hi! so i'm back. so for o levels i got 8 points raw. 6 points net. english got b3, maths a1, amaths a1, bio a2, chem a1, phy a2, combined humans a1, chinese a1. so that's all for my results... so i decided to go mjc. i think that my choice was not bad. like everybody keeps on pressurizing me to go tjc. i mean it's like i know it's not bad. but tthen must still think for me rite? i dont want to go to tjc. like only 3 of them are going there (from what i know). so it's like why not choose a school that confirm will take me, make me happy and more than 3 of my friends are going there? i dun understand these people. it's good to strive for the best. i know. everybody wants to see their kids going to better schools. but then what the heck? did my parents ever concern about me? it's like they dun even know what's the problem with me!! i'm like constantly losing my mind. suddenly fainting, always full up never hungry. there's definitely something wrong with my body! and i'm so unhappy about my body! it's just the legs part. it's so fat! i dun even look nice in jeans or shorts or whatever that accentuates the thickness and width of my thigh!!!!
i know that i'm 17 now. everybody around me starts to act pretty, buy nice clothes and all that stuff. for example, take my sis. she's like suddenly wanting to buy all these nice nice clothes that has no prints on it just like those 20 year old kid would wear one. i admit that we're growing up. our wardrobe should be full pf pretty clothes, dresses and all that stuff. YX loves buying ex stuff. but does she know that her father has limited means??? it's like his credit card reached $6000++!!!!!!!! that's like more than his month's salary is gone just to pay these debts!!!! who doesn't like to buy nice things? i do like to buy pretty things. for instance a few days ago, i asked mum to buy a bag for me. but then in the end, wtf, YX takes the bag everyday now. i don't even get a chance to carry it once. well, i dropped her hints that i want to take the bag out later. but apparently, she don't understand. it's like wtf, i'm the one who asked mum to buy for me!!! now. it's her property! life is so unfair.... sometimes it just doesn't go the way u want it to be... everybody is like comparing my results and YX results every time there's a major exam. so this o level thingy. i did'nt put in 100% effort and i know it myself. but then they cant compare our results like that! i know she's smarter than me. so what? i does not mean that i have to score the exact same score as her! so she gets the good stuff while i do not.
people thinks that i have already forgetten what happened to me during my childhood. i was treated horribly. i was treated like trash. i tell you, nobody can understand what i had to go through when i was young. NOBODY.
eveyone in my family treated me like trash. my mum hated me to the core. i know it in my heart.she everytime also threatens to kill me with the knife, force me to eat chilli raw. which was so freaking hot and the worse part is that i cannot drink water. and i had to wash my own plates after dinner but i have to stand at the basin for hours and wash my bowl with only soup. i cannot even touch the water tap. she made me do real horrible stuff. she thinks that i dont remember? well, i remember them vivdly. then there's my dinner. you know what i get? i get a bowl of rice and the pork she used to boil the soup. that's it. it was so horrible. everyday, i dreaded going back home. but my sister just doesnt get it. she dont know that why i walk so slowly everytime when i come near home. i was not a place where i called home. then there was my father. he was always overseas. so when i was young, he did try to protect me. cause when i was young, i wasnt allowed to step into my room to even sleep. i had to wait in the kitchen and wait for her cue to let me go to bed. i mean which child has to run in to bed in fear of being scolded by her mum to sleep? which child had to eat chilli raw when she was young and cannot drink water? which child had to do squats everytime her mother was unhappy? which child has to stand and eat in the kitchen alone to eat while the rest of the family members get to eat at the dinner table? which child has to put on a fake smile everytime someone asks you about are you happy?IT WAS ME! my childhood was really horrible. my brother would supoort my mum and said that he would help her use the knife and kill me. my sister betrayed me and told mum whatever i told her. and i would get a real good beating. and everytime my father tried to help me, my mother would like get all jealous and threaten divorce where my brother and sister goes to her and i go to my father. my father would eventually relent and got tired of protecting me. that's why i never tell people about my childhood. whenever my friends tell me theirs, i would not say a single word.
but every one is better to me now. that is why is always lose to my sister. i tribute it to my childhood....
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